My Ex-Love, 2014

Dear 2015,

2014 was a messy one but to only focus on the harder parts would do the full year injustice. It began with working to the bone, being constantly exhausted without comprehension, immersing myself in work, choosing work over relationships, and choosing my expectations and needs over everything else – all due to my unwillingness to say no, to be perfect and to not disappoint, especially myself.

But then, God flew me into unfamiliarity in a country where being selfish and being constantly on the go and immersed in self was not only counterculture, it seemed blasphemous. With a world of so much beauty, how could one not be joyful, said all its faces. I fell in love with the world and its people again, as I saw how looking beyond the scope of my hands and only my comfort and convenience, God’s creation is and always will be unforgettable in all its forms.

Yet even with such an awakening, coming home was met with the reality of past choices and the possibility of falling asleep again. The world had moved on as I had ventured into a lifestyle of busyness – people were married, celebrating new births, had moved to other states and countries, in new relationships, and I had become a stranger to many of them. Yet it was all a lesson to be learned in recognizing that there are many wrong turns even in a bold 20-something-year-old’s choices and that youth is fleeting as tears were shed for young deaths, illnesses, broken relationships and difficult goodbyes.

So today as I look back at 2014, despite seeing it as a former lover who did not end happily, I bring with me the reminders that boundaries doesn’t mean walls, independent doesn’t mean selfish or alone, mature does not mean lacking joy, and grown up does not mean having forgotten those who have guided you there. This chapter may be one I cannot wait to put away but it is one that has a story in which I will never forget as I move onto 2015. To my former 2014, thank you for your love, laughter, hurt, rude reminders and being a part of me. To 2015, I can’t wait to be with you. I hope you all have a beautiful one as well!


Your New Love

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